Two Months~

It's been two months since he died;

It's been two months since I last truly smiled.

I see his face in the clouds when I look up,

I see his favourite constellations spelling out his name; I'm awestruck

Not only by the beauty of nature when it lauds him,

But because it reminds me of his sincerity when he first told me it was me he loved and that it was my presence that he missed.

I smell him when I pass by the flowers on the sidewalk we used to walk through to get our weekly groceries.

Autumn was his favourite season, he used to say.

He said he could feel himself when the trees set the leaves free;

He could feel himself dancing inside as these abandoned leaves swayed in the wind.

Autumn was his favourite season, he always told me that-

because that's when he was able to write the best.

He died two months before that.

Today, it's been two months since he died.

It's been two months and exactly 3 hours since they found his dead body.

It was 8pm and his manager knocked on his door several times,

It was only then he realized something wasn't right.

The authorities were called and people had gathered.

They rushed him into the ER but the doctors knew as soon as they saw him.

And just like that, they had declared him dead,

"He has left this world," they said.

Scared and anxious, when everybody asked them how,

"It wasn't natural," they said,

"He took his own life.

We think maybe he was just depressed."

Today, it's been two months since he died.

And since then, I don't know how I've survived.

It's been two months and not a day has gone by without me whispering his name and touching only air.

It's been two months since I've been living in the state that he lived in for years and nobody cared.

It's been two months and tea doesn't taste the same,

the autumn breeze doesn't smell the same,

and the flowers seem remorseful because that friendly face they were so used to seeing-

it doesn't pass by them anymore,

everyday.

The people that used to be around him have since long moved on.

Saying, "it's unfortunate, but I just can't keep holding on."

"His time on earth is over but you still have a life to live," they said.

Remember that night under the bridge when we were sheltering ourselves from the rain?

We made a promise that we would never leave each other to go our own ways.

That's a lie you told me, I feel it now.

Still, it's one promise I cannot break.

It's a fact that I loved you and I still so irrevocably do.

And so,

when I die,

I hope I find my place

next

to

you.