Lucid

I'm in a world not my own,

But I'm surrounded by memories and faces I'm familiar with.

I feel my body, but it's following an already decided path.

I'm aware while fooled by the unknown.

Its a sudden feeling, the one I get right when I become mindful of what's going on.

I know what's happening, but I also know something is wrong. I regain control. I always have to.

Regain control of my body, my mind.

But the scene is changing. I don't control this part, not unless I'm lucky.

I wasn't done there yet. I just became aware. Why does it always change right when I get…

Someone new is following me. Trying to speak. Someone from my past. This time I'm in control. I try to get away, they are talking - seem interested, try to get away. I start to run.

This time I’m lucky.

I changed the scene. I controlled the conversation, at least until I knew it was about to change.

Until I knew I had control.

New scenery. I move my body.

But that's not all of it.

It’s not that easy.

I can feel it coming. It always does soon after.

New scene, fast, hurry. Control.

The place, the people, the conversation. Stay. Please, a few more seconds.

I need closure from these people.

I need the pain to ease here so it eases in reality.

But…

Even if I think I’m controlling the narrative.

I'm not.

         I wanna be.

                      Fully in control.

                                 Let me be in control.

                                            I will be in control.

                                  control.

                      control.

        CTRL.

I'M IN CONTROL!

But now I'm awake.

The ending is always the worst.

Its sudden, like any other dream, but these ones, the bad ones, I remember a little bit longer.

People always ask me ‘what is it like to lucid dream?’

How am I able to do it?

Why can’t they?

I don't have a solid answer.

I have my way of doing it but it doesn't apply to everyone.

I've explained it many times, answered the same questions.

I'm sorry but I can't tell you how or make you able.

Most people aren't.

Most people can't.

I wonder why people would want to.

It can be unsafe.

Unsettling.

Sometimes you're not aware until you are.

And when you are… then your conscience takes over- anything can happen.

You may think you're in control and maybe you are of your thoughts and your body but not of the scenario. You can't run away from it every time. but sometimes you want to go back and you can't.

Sometimes you’re so deep in it you don't realize it's a nightmare.

Dreams are their own reality.

And just like in reality, you are merely a player of its game.

Wake. Up.